Baby Mine
by Tono Radish
Summary: Yes, it's happened again. Somehow, someway Eren has turned into a baby. It's probably some stupid trick of Hange's to get me to say that I care about the kid or something. Whatever, she'll never get me to admit it because I don't. I definitely don't… don't I?
1. Chapter 1

**Today… is a day… for One Shots. I'm serious. I have a bunch of story ideas that I've been wanting to write but I don't have time for 20 chapters so I've convereted 5-6 different story ideas into one shots. This solves a lot of my problems and will also allow me to focus on the stories I want to finish but don't have the will power to do so because yeah… other story ideas are getting in the way.**

It's happened again. Somehow, someway, Eren has turned into a toddler. Of course we all looked to Hange who played innocent. "It was just a test," she said. No doubt this was another one of her schemes to try and get me to show that I care about Eren. He's a brat and the fact that this keeps coming up is really pissing me off. He crawled over to me in fresh baby clothes that were conveniently lying around a military base.

"H-Heichoo," he said raising his little hands up to me.

My eyebrow twitched and my glare deepened.

"H-Heichoo," he called out again.

I stared at the brat and lowered down to him, "Heicho."

He smiled and held onto my face, "Heichoo."

"Heicho."

"Heichoo."

"Levi."

"Ravioli."

It was decided that I was going to kill this kid. And what was with this Heichoo business? I was just about ready to beat the kid when he kissed my face. What the hell? He didn't even kiss me, he made a "pop" noise with his mouth on my mouth. Once again my eyebrow twitched.

"Heichoo!"

"Stop saying that, I sound like a train?"

It was then he got an evil glint into his eyes. Brat. I stood up and walked away from the little creep. He followed, calling out "Heichoo!" It was so annoying, not the sound but that fact that my heart stopped beating every time he did so. Since when was Eren borderline adorable? No, stop it! Don't give into temptation! I turned around to scold him into submission when I looked into those big, green, assuming eyes.

"Heichoo," he whispered.

I couldn't stop myself. My body moved against my will as I picked him up and put him onto my shoulders and started running around and worse off… smiling. I gave into that cute pudgy baby face and had some freaky fun with the kid.

"HEICHOO CHOO!" He screamed like a happy brat.

"Choo choo," I laughed, yes, I allowed myself to laugh.

And then the door swung open and I stopped dead in my train tracks. Erwin was standing there with some documents for me while Henge was bent over trying to stifle her laughter. My face went back to normal, pissed. I set the kid down and slammed the door in their faces.

"No more Heichoo choo," I scolded the kid.

He waved at me, beckoning me to kneel down on the floor and get closer to him. I did so and glared at his face when he kissed me again, correction, made a pop noise on my mouth with his. My eyebrow twitched.

"Tch."

"Chugga Chugga."

"No."

"Heichoo choo," he said getting excited and in my face.

I glared at him, but his smile was stronger and I gave in.

"… Just the once."

For the next hour he managed to convince me to play train with him. Curse that popping! Eventually he tired himself out and I let him sleep on the couch in my office. I found myself unable to get any work done; all I did was stare at him. Erwin would come to check on my progress and find that barely anything was getting done. He didn't get mad though, he would just smile at me and I would throw a pen at him.

When Eren woke up he asked for me to go outside. I don't understand his obsession with me but I faked reluctance and eventually took him out. He ran ahead of me down the halls, almost falling. I've never seen him so happy? I feel like he makes me think that constantly. He finds way to become happier than he already is. Brat.

"I can't believe they're taking this so lightly."

"Yeah I know. He's even more unstable now."

"What would happen if he transformed?"

"I wouldn't mind taking a swipe at him."

I stopped walking and stared at the two soldiers whispering. My glare went cold and hard and they stalked off. I watched them as they left, thinking about kicking them. That was my baby they were talking about- what am I saying? It's all the brat's fault. When he's back to normal I'll kill him.

I walked outside to go and find the kid when he was sitting in the grass looking up. A butterfly was resting on his nose. He was silent and in awe of it. I stared at him but he didn't notice me. His eyes were sparkling and shining. And then his little nose twitched and he sneezed adorably as the butterfly flew away.

"Oh, hi Heichoo!"

I fell over into the grass and he crawled over, "Heichoo?"

I glared at his adorable face. His nose was running so I wiped it for him, which he smiled at.

"I luff you Heichoo!"

"I hate you brat."

He only laughed in response. I glared at the kid and then closed my eyes, listening to the sound of Eren playing imaginary in the sun. That was the first time in my life I had ever considered a life like this. A kid, the grass, the sun, maybe a wife or some shit? No, a wife would distract me from Eren- fuck this. No, I was not thinking that.

Eventually the night fell and Eren would have to be put to bed. Only instead of falling asleep in his cell like he usually did he howled and cried. Heichoo this, Heichoo that. Can't I have a moment's peace?

"What is it Eren? If you keep crying no one within the walls will be able to sleep!"

He sniffled, "H-Heichoo."

I glared at him, "No."

"H-Heichoo."

"No, Eren."

"Heichoo."

"I draw the line there."

There was a pause, and Eren's eyes got bigger and sparklier, he knew he was breaking me, "Heichoo."

My eyebrow twitched as I kicked down the bars and reached in for the kid, snapping the chain that held him. I picked him up and gave anyone who dared intervene the finger. Eren is coming to sleep with me, fuck to Po-lice. I slammed the doo behind me and set Eren down.

"Have you brushed your teeth?"

He nodded smiling with his teeth.

"I'm going to brush mine, you get into bed."

I brushed my teeth to find that Eren was too short to hop onto my bed. HOW DOES IT FEEL BRAT!? I walked over and helped the hoping kid up. He crawled under the sheets smiling and giggling. This isn't exactly what I pictured when I would think about my first time sleeping with Eren- Nope. Not going there. I looked over at him only to see he was fast asleep. It was cute, really cute. I found myself smiling, he's really sweet. I put my head on my pillow ready to fall asleep.

And then he whimpered.

That little shit was crying. My eyes shot open, all the fire in hell burning inside their grey color! I'll kill this brat!

"Oi, Eren. I thought you said you would stop crying if I let you sleep with me- In my bed."

Looked again at him, only to see him sleeping. Poor kid was having a nightmare. I sighed and began petting him hair. Maybe I could sooth him or something?

"H-Heichoo?"

My heart strings were tugged when he called me that. Shit, I must be really tired.

"I'm here," I said calmly, for some reason not mad anymore.

He sniffled, his little hand taking mine, "Are you scared of me?"

"Why?"

"E-Everyone is scared of me."

Is that what he was dreaming about? So even brats have feelings, huh? I took in a breath, poking his baby stomach. It's so soft and plush and he smells cute.

"I'm not scared."

"B-But I'm a tintin."

My eyebrow twitched, could he get any cuter!? I couldn't stop myself from saying the following words. It freaked me out but I guess it cheered Eren up because he stopped crying.

"You're not a titan, you're Eren, you're _my _Eren."

I held him close to my heart after wiping his tears for him.

"I'll sing you a lullaby my mother used to sing. Though I don't remember the words I'll hum it for you."

I bagan to hum the song softly for him. He put his face in my chest and was fast asleep again. I sighed, finishing the song. I closed my eyes and felt his little back move as he breathed in and out slowly. You win Hange, I guess I do care about him.

**XD I half considered making a second chapter to this about the morning after. It would be like Levi would wake up and Eren would be big again, probably naked, and Levi would scream and once Eren was dressed he would convince Levi to play train again buy calling him "Heichoo" and then Hange would open the door like "Morning Levi, I'm coming to check on Eren!" And she would see Levi on his hands and knees while Eren sat on his back singing "Heichoo choo." I need to sleep, I'm going crazy. And yes… The lullaby Levi hums for Eren is "Baby Mine" from Dumbo. REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Guys I wasn't going to update this… But I got a lot of shit from people like "oh wouldn't a second chapter be cool?" And I'm like "… well I did have this one idea." XD You got me people. Ask and yee shall receive! Here is the unholy second chapter!**

I woke up the next morning with a baby in my arms. Am I still dreaming? I closed my eyes and snuggled him closer. If we could just be like this forever I would be happy. Fuck you don't judge me. My eyes shot open again however. Eren stirred in his sleep. I pet his hair again and hummed the melody my mom used to sing for me. Suddenly the door burst open and I shot up, leaving Eren in the sheets.

"Good Morning Levi! I was just coming to check on Eren," screamed Hange.

I glared at her and threw my pillow at her shitty glasses face. She dodged and then stared at me, pouting.

"What?"

"Well," she started, "I thought that I would find you guys playing train or something."

"Or something," my brow twitched.

"I mean, I was also hoping that maybe Eren grew up again and would be naked and you wouldn't be able to stop yourself from-"

I flew out of bed and kicked her in that big ugly nose of hers.

"Don't you dare talk about my baby that way," I glared towering over her.

With my foot in her face, "So you admit it! You do care about Eren!"

I pressed my foot harder into her cheek. Her face crammed into the floor. I turned around when I heard the blankets move and a young boy yawn.

"Heichoo?"

Yes, it was Eren only he looked bigger? Now he looked maybe eight or nine? His other clothes were scrapped and we would have to find something else for him to wear. But he was just a baby a minute ago? I sighed with relief, at least he was still calling me Heichoo- I mean this problem would come to an end soon and I would get to sleep alone in my own bed again.

"Hange find the brat some clothes, I need to clean up."

I kicked her once again and threw her into the hall. Eren watched me as I walked into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, my face as hairless as Eren's chest (at any age). I nodded at my reflection deciding I needed a shave. The naked boy followed me inside.

"Eren wait back at the bed, you don't have any clothes."

He admired the razor in my hand and shaving cream. He nodded his head a bunch of times. What does that mean? Is he having a stroke? Then he peeked over the sink trying to see himself in the mirror. I put down my shaving stuff and picked him up to he could see. Eren nodded his head again and had me set him down. He ran, stark naked, back into my room and came back with the chair from my desk a few minutes later. He climbed on top.

"I'm going to shave," he announced.

"How about no," I glared creaming my face… that sounds wrong.

"But why?"

"Shaving is for men," I glared.

He pouted with big fat tears in those big fat eyes, "b-but I am a man."

My eyebrow twitched, "Tch."

He tried to make an angry face but only ended up smiling, "Tch!"

I stared at him and he stared at me, with those big baby green eyes, "Heichoo?"

Oh god, "What?"

"I wanna shave my man beard."

My lip twitched this time, I refrained from smiling, "I said No."

"But Heichooooooo."

Be strong Levi, he's just a brat. Don't give into temptation. Heichoo, yeah that's stupid. Don't let him think he can hold it over you.

"I said no, that's final!"

I started shaving my peach fuzz. He watched me intently. Then he smiled, calling out that damn _Heichoo._ And then it happened. He took hold of my shirt sleeve from up on his chair and called out very softly _Heichoo._ I glared, cutting myself with the razor. I turned to look at Eren who looked afraid.

"Call me Heichoo one more time Brat," I scolded, cleaning my face with a towel.

He remained silent. Way to stay strong Heichoo- I mean Levi. Don't give in to every whim of that damn brat. You're a grown man, you have better things to do than baby Eren. And he pulled on my sleeve again.

"What," I groaned not looking at him.

And then I felt him kiss my cheek, near the cut, "I'm sorry Heichoo."

My eyebrow twitched and I turned to look at the naked creep. I picked him up and flew him around and we spun around the room for a minute. He laughed and I set him down on the bed.

"We'll eat and go outside when you've got clothes on Brat," I smiled.

He just laughed at me, "I love you Heichoo!"

I smiled and flung myself onto the bed next to him, "Never stop calling me that and I'll consider saying it back!"

Then I looked over at the door where Hange and Petra were standing, they looked way too happy for my liking. I glared at them.

"WHAT!?"

I could feel their motherly hormones float over to me and Eren. I tried to block the kid from the worst of it. They set the clothes down and screamed as they ran away. Oh god, what have I done? I need to be more secretive when it comes to being nice to Eren. He smiled as I threw the clothes at his happy face. Seriously, why do we have clothes this size in the base? Once he was dressed we walked together to eat and then we headed outside. Yes, I have work to do, but I can spare some time off. All I ever do is work, I deserve this time off- I mean watching over Eren is part of my job and a pain. That is true in a sense, but Eren isn't what's painful. It's the looks I'm getting from everyone else. All of their doting grins as they watch Eren and I walk along.

I have a feeling that I'll be getting a lot of invitations out for dates when this is over. That sort of thing isn't very interesting sounding. You know what's interesting? How young Eren is taking my hand and smiling up at me. Today is a nice day for a walk. There's a complete cloud cover and it's a little windy. I smiled down at him and regretted it when I heard a symphony of "awwwwwww's."

We went to Erwin's private library next. I'm sure there was something suitable to read with the kid. What? Oh, this sounds good. Peter Pan, the old one. I flipped through it only to be completely horrified by the fact that Peter was killing off lost boys and kidnapping other kids. I put the book away, hoping Eren didn't see. Then I saw Cinderella, yeah, Hange liked this one if I recall. And Hange is on the same wavelength as a young child so this must be fine! I opened the book and flipped through it only to find that Cinderella's killed her mom and her stepsisters are cutting up their feet. I put that book away. Aren't there any normal books?

"Hey Eren?"

"Yes Heichoo?"

"Let's draw pictures instead."

"Okay!"

So we took a seat and started to draw. Yes, this is a waste of resources but look at the happy look on Eren's face! Is that not worth more than some paper? I mean, when I kill all the titans the humans will be able to make as much paper as they want from big ass trees outside the walls. I started drawing a little bit myself. I'm not going to say I'm Jean or anything but my ability to draw is not that bad. I drew a titan and then I drew myself swinging at its neck and then I dumped ink on the paper so you could see the blood. Yeah, this is perfect. I jabbed my pen into the Titan's adequately draw face. Yes, this picture is perfect.

"Heichoo!"

I looked over to Eren who was holding up his drawing. It was perfect. It was a couple of circles with some poorly drawn faces. One of them, the smaller one, looked angry… that one's me isn't it? I glared at Eren.

"Is that us?"

He nodded, that same stupid having a stroke nod. He smiled at me, waiting for a pat on the head or some shit. I looked at the picture and sighed.

"Let's hang it in my office."

"YAY! I LOVE YOU HEICHOO!"

I smiled, that nick name has grown on me, "I love you too brat."

**I seriously considered having them switch ages. Like Eren wakes up an adult and has to take care of a bratty baby Levi, which would have been cute, but not as emotionally scarring as what I have planned. Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ready for the final bit? I am. This was supposed to be a one shot but you guys just HAD to REVIEW and I couldn't say no to that? XD Here you go, final installment.**

I can't believe I said that. I just told the brat I love him. What the hell is wrong with me? Am I really such a sucker for a cute face? No, no, no, there must be something wrong with me. Hange must have slipped me something. Who do I think I'm kidding? I actually love Eren… this Eren… the small one. No, this goes deeper than that. I never hated Eren. I just never gave him the time of day unless I had to… and when I _had _to I was the happiest guy in the world, but I never showed it. Actually whenever he made me happy I just wanted to kick him.

Anyway tonight Eren would be in my bed again. I said it was so he wouldn't cry and we would all get our beauty rest but mostly it's because I don't think I know how to sleep alone anymore? I know it was only one night but I really thought about it and the idea of sleeping by myself was almost scary. No, scary is the wrong word, more like uncomfortable. But I can't just curl up with anyone; it has to be this Eren. Unlike big Eren little Eren can't judge me and all together sees me in a different way. He looks up to me.

"Brat," I said as he curled up into my chest.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

He smiled into my shirt, "I love you too Heichoo."

For some reason I just knew this was my last night with this Eren. Maybe this is my maternal instinct kicking in. What? No, I'm not Eren's mother. I didn't press the thought and held him close. Please just stay this way, Eren. Please just stay _my _Eren. I closed my eyes and fell asleep. The next morning I woke up but instead of my baby in my arms there was no one. I sat up and panicked. What happened to him? Where is he!?

"Heicho?"

I immediately frowned at the name. I glared over to my bathroom where Eren was hiding in the doorway.

"Eren, you're big again."

"I hope you don't mind but I borrowed some clothes for now. I'll wash them and retrun them as soon as-"

"Don't bother."

"Sir?"

My eyebrow twicted and my frown deepened, "Just burn them when you're done."

"What do you mean?"

"Get out Eren."

I looked at my blanket and he seemed to freeze, "Heicho?"

My jaw tightened and I threw the blanket at the fucker, "I said get out!"

He immediately made a run for it, looking back at me before closing the door behind him. My glare softened as I stared at the door he left from. I pressed my eyebrows together. Damn it, why can't I seem to cry? I' serious, I'll admit it now. I want to cry. I'm a very sad man right now, so just let me cry. I've lost someone precious to me damn it! I stood up and walked into my bathroom where I looked into the mirror. I didn't feel like shaving my man beard. I jut looked at myself in the eyes. My face was the same, not even my eyes gave way to the slightest sadness. So this is it? It starts and ends just like that?

For the next hour or so whenever I saw Eren things were awkward to say the least. I wondered if he had remembered what happened between us or if, like many things in childhood, it was simply a dream well forgotten? I sat in my office looking at my papers. One would think I'd be able to focus now that the brat was gone, but it was the opposite. I had never slept better and yet I was so tired. I decided to move to the couch. I was reading a form when I decided to lie down.

I closed my eyes and hummed the melody my mom used to sing to me. I dropped the papers onto the floor and put my hands over my eyes. Don't cry now Levi, you were doing so well. I was almost my old self again. I sat up, rubbing my eyes with my arm. I walked back to lean on my desk. I have to get to work. I can't let these shit feelings stop me. I've put it off long enough. And then I felt a pair of arms wrap around me.

"Are you crying?"

I freed myself from the gentle hold and knocked my calming assailant onto his back. I turned around, ready to kick his face in when it registered that the person talking to me was Eren. The person who was holding me was Eren.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone," I growled.

"Why are you so angry at me?"

"Because you disobeyed my orders, now leave!"

"I won't leave! You've been angry at me ever since this morning! What did I do to upset you Heicho?"

"Shut up!" I kicked him.

Shit, I didn't mean to kick him so hard. I knelt down to him and inspected him. Eren caught his breath and took hold of my arms.

"L-Let go!"

"Tell me why you're angry!"

"That was an order! Let go!"

"Heicho!"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

And then things were quiet. I was still being held over him. Another reason to hate this Eren, he can be strong when he wants to be. He stared at me, determined and afraid. Don't be afraid of me Eren… Please… Don't be afraid.

"I thought you said you loved me," he said.

I stared at him on the ground under me. And then I couldn't stop myself. I bit onto my lower lip to try but it was futile. I made an uglier face than usual and I started to cry. I fell into his arms and held onto him.

"Why did you have to grow up so damn fast?"

"What?"

"We were happy then. You're different now. You're all fucking grown up and I can't take it! Go back to being my Eren! Go back to having next to no respect for my position and call me stupid names. Guilt me into playing train and taking you outside. I can't protect you when you're like this!"

Eren held onto me and I cried like a bitch. When was the last time I let anyone touch me, much less unglue me like this?

"Heichoo," he started, "I'm still _your _Eren. I just big enough to comfort you when you cry now, like you did for me."

I had a realization. That was why I couldn't cry before. I had never lost Eren. He was always here. He was always mine. Hell, to some extent I'm his. I was just too stuborn to admit it. I love this brat so much… Hange, stop winning all the time.

**Yay! Ending! I mean I could add on like "Little Adventures" but Levi would be all "Don't call it that." And I'd be like, "Why not?" And he'd be like, "Because it sounds like you're calling me short." And I'd be all, "Shit he saw through the double meaning!" But yeah! Thanks for everything! Peace!**

**REVIEW!**


	4. Bonus: Baby Levi

**Brenda asked for it, how could I say no?**

What the hell am I looking at? I woke up that morning in humanity's strongest's bed- DON'T ASK WHY! That's for me to know and you to ignore. Anyway instead of a five foot three sex god all I saw was… well… the ugliest baby ever created by two humans. What is that monstrosity? It was just drooling and glaring at me.

"… Heicho?"

Suddenly the angry baby was smirking and climbing, naked I might add, onto my back, "Choo choo motha fugga."

"Oh god."

I did as told and was bullied into playing train with the now baby Levi. Oh my god, puberty did wonders for him, he was not at all a cute baby. He kicked me with his fatty baby legs. How does this hurt!? He had me completely at his chubby mercy. We ended up by the bedside table where I put his cravat on for him, when I did a less that perfect job he bit my nose.

"Heicho! Stop!"

"Foo- foo."

"Foo?"

He pointed to his mouth, "Now."

He had kept my clothes from the time I was a baby and I put them onto him. He seemed all too delighted to be a child. Was I as annoying- I mean precious! I said precious. I have a feeling that this Levi can read minds. We entered the hallways and began our long walk to the cafeteria, me carrying him the whole way. I'm serious, the more I look at this foul faced baby Levi, the more I'm convinced that he ages like a fine wine. I mentally put the two pictures next to each other… how did that sexy man sex come from this? The kid smacked me, yes… this Levi can read minds.

"Hey Hange," I asked as we passed my tormentor, "Did you do this to Levi?"

She grinned, "Oh! He's so cute!"

"You… think he's cute?" Her glasses must be broken or something.

She pet Levi's head, "Adorable, he looks just like a titan."

He leapt from my arms and knocked her over, beating the shit out of her.

"Levi pick on someone your own size," I begged him.

She only laughed, "Then he would only be able to pick on ten year olds-"

He gave her one last beating before holding his arms out to me, "Up."

"Levi…"

"Up. Up," he gave a little hop. This coming from any other kid would be cute but when Levi said it he sounded spoiled and well… bratty. How's that for irony?

We sat down and everyone… I MEAN EVERYONE… laughed at me. Oh how the tables have turned. Levi only looked less cute when he was eating. This Levi isn't remotely adorable, he's too demanding and pissy. I'm really let down.

He bullied me through the whole day and purposely made messes so I could clean up after him. Seriously! Brat literally almost came out of my mouth when I was talking to him. I'M BECOMING LEVI! NO!

"Mikasa help me, you're a girl so you must have some motherly instinct!"

She turned to me and looked at Levi then back to me and very calmly said, "My motherly instinct is telling me to put him in a basket and abandon him on a doorstep."

"You're too cruel," I weept.

It was then I decided that I should go to the second most reliable woman I know… Armin. He immediately took to the funny looking kid and started playing with him.

"Oh Eren, we should never judge others by their looks," he smiled playing with baby Levi, "Oh! Do you wanna arm wrestle little guy?"

The baby nodded and held his arm out, effectively flipping Armin over onto his back. The baby let out a breathy laugh. Baby Levi… is more frightening than any titan. Here I thought that a baby Levi would be cute, I mean… aren't babies always cute? This one is just a monster! I'm more afraid of him now than when he was an adult.

The day was finally over and I was tucking him into bed. I was planning to go to the cellar where I would be safe or whatever when a little hand tugged at my shirt.

"What is it now my lord- I mean Levi?"

He glared at me for a minute, and then finally said, "Good night kiss."

That was the first time any heart string had been pulled that day. He was actually kind of cute for an instant there. I smiled at him, he actually is kind of cute. I leaned down and gave him a quick kiss.

"Again," he commanded.

"Alright baby."

I gave him another goodnight kiss when he bit my lip and I jumped up all WTF!? I stared at him and he gave me a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

"NO LEVI! I WILL NOT HAVE YOU DOMINATE ME ANY MORE THAN YOU ALREADY HAVE TODAY! SERIOUSLY!? I MEAN FOR GOD SAKE'S YOU'RE A FRIGGIN BABY!"

I stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind me. Oh my god, he's crazy! He's a lunatic!? And then I heard a thud and I turned around and opened the door. He was face first on the floor. I walked over to help him get back into bed when I looked at his big teary eyes. He wasn't glaring anymore, he only held his little face in pain. He actually looked cute.

"Oh don't cry," I comforted him, "How about I sing you a lullaby my mom used to sing me?"

Talk about déjà vu. He nodded his head and I held him in my arms and very gently sang to him.

"SEID IHR DAS ESSEN? NEIN, WIR SIND DER JÄGER! HA! HA! HA! HA!"

**Hey, I couldn't resist the idea of turning Levi into an ugly baby XD Hope you enjoyed this sweet piece of crack!**


	5. Bonus: Erwin's Daddy Days

**Guys! This was supposed to be a one shot! XD I got this idea and couldn't help myself. Feel free to make requests in the comments.**

Today I am faced with a problem. Both Eren and Levi have turned into children. I took a good look at the both of them, what were they… four? I'm going to go with four. I looked for Hange to help me, but she only laughed.

"Erwin, this will be good for you! It'll be like the family you should have at your age!"

I sighed looking at them in their convenient clothing. Eren was wearing a blue shirt with a rubber duck on the front while Levi had on a green shirt with a pink rabbit on the front. Why do we even have shirts like that? Thinking about it, Eren and Levi are both adults in their brains, so how hard could this be. Little did I know that they would take full advantage of their child-like exteriors… and ask me to play pretend.

_The seas were storming as Captain Levi took hold of the wheel of his ship. He turned it, fighting the strong winds. When lightning struck! The ship was on fire, it trashed as the captain used his cape to try and beat the fire down. The waves were too strong and so was the fire! The ship blew up and Levi flew into the water. He swam, gasping for air. When a mermaid called Eren came and flung Levi onto the shore-_

"uhh Look kids, I understand that maybe you wanted me to be the pirate ship and maybe you wanted to tug at my hair and pretend you're steering the ship. And maybe you want me to jump around and run into a wall as to fake a storm… but do I really have to be the sea shore as well?"

The kids looked up at me in a _damn straight _sort of way. I sighed, taking a seat.

"Is there some other game we can play?"

The kids sat together and thought about it. Mwahahaha.

_Levi stood below a tall tower-_

"I'M NOT LETTING YOU CLIMB UP ME."

_Eren and Levi drew their swords to fight the-_

"DON'T HIT ME WITH STICKS!"

_Eren and Levi walked through the woods. Everything was magical as glowing stones lead them deeper and deeper into the woods. It was there they found a candy house. How wonderful, they thought, the witch had already left it alone and the kids decided that the house was theirs and that's where they would live. They had a lot of fun at first, playing house together. But all that sugar eventually got them sick and they decided that they needed a real meal… when a wondering wood cutter came strutting along with very big eyebrows._

"They decided to become friends with him and they lived happily ever after!"

The kids glared at me, their scared adult supervisor, who shed a tear, "Yeah… I didn't think so…"

_Levi and Eren invitied the older man-_

"I'M NOT THAT OLD!"

_The relatively young man to come and stay with them as it was getting dark. They fattened him up with sweets and treats and sang him to sleep when they shoved him into the over and ate him!_

"Stop biting me!"

It was getting late so the kids decided that they would play a quick game of titan and after beating me into submission with some sticks, they found that it was getting cold. I, looked at the shivering rats, and sighed. I couldn't help himself. Evil or not, they were still cute. I got a big blanket and walked them to the fireplace where we all sat down and huddled under the fabric. I wish chocolate wasn't so hard to come by, then we could have hot chocolate. Oh they would be adorable. It was then they fell asleep in my lap and I decided that being a daddy for a day… really wasn't my thing but I could do it again if I had to.

**LOL**


	6. Bonus: Hange's Not So Happy Birthday

**Ktchuppp was all "Make Hange into a baby" and I was like "… sounds good." So blame Ketchuppp for the monster that came to be!**

Hange flew out of bed that morning feeling like the happiest person ever! She brushed her teeth and put on fresh clothes feeling like nothing could stop her! Today was a very special day for Hange for today is her birthday! She began by leaping into the halls to be greeted by the awesome birthday wishes she was sure to come her way!

"GOOD MORNING EREN!"

"Uh hi Hange?"

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS?"

"Ummm… what?"

"IT'S AN IMPORTANT DAY TODAY EREN!"

"Oh! How could I forget it's… that day when… Bean gets his hair brushed?"

Hange fell over and slumped away. Eren… maybe she just never told Eren when her birthday was? Nevermind, she'll go find Levi. Levi obviously knows when her birthday is, so she skipped over to Levi's room ready to be showered with birthday wishes.

"LEVI!"

"Fuck, what?"

"D-do you know what day it is?"

"Is it fucking bother the shit out of Levi day?"

"N-no?"

"Is it kick shitty glasses day?"

"N-no?"

"Then leave," he glared.

She fell into depression. Slumping away to her next victim. Erwin… Erwin was her last hope. The single man with beautiful brows just had to remember that today was her birthday. She sprinted with all the power of 3DMG to reach his office. She broke the door down.

"ERWIN WHAT DAY IS IT!?"

"It's Sunday?"

She fell to her knees and started to cry and Erwin ignored her. She stood up and ran into the hall. Suddenly EVERYONE was ignoring her. She went to her lab to try and feel better, but even her precious titans were ignoring her. Today sucks! What could she do to get everyone to acknowledge her? And then she thought about it, having a flash back! Of course!?She opened her drawer and pulled out a syringe, drooling as she did.

"They'll have to acknowledge me if I'm a kid! Even Erwin was willing to play daddy for Levi and Eren. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

In a swift motion, much like when Eren chomps on his hand, Hange plunged the needle into her arm as she turned into a nine year old. Reverse revolution! She grabbed some clothes out of her desk and got dressed.

"How do I look Bean," she smiled twirling.

He still ignored her and she ran off crying, "WHO NEEDS YOU!"

She strut through the hallways like she owned them, just waiting to be showered with attention. Instead she got sighs and groans. Yup, it was just a matter of time before she did this. She adjusted her glasses, well who needs the approval of subordinates. She just needs to find her friends! She found her friends… they ignored her too. They were all "I'm too busy to play" and "go change yourself back four eyes." Hange fell into despair, this world holds nothing for her. She ran to storage and found herself some gear and adjusted it to where it would fit her small self. It was then she snagged some gas and flew off into the forest. Screw this! She didn't have friends! She would live by herself along the trees!

As she flew along she found herself moving extremely quickly and fluidly. Hmmm, so this must be why Levi is so skilled. His tiny stature must make him aerodynamic or something? She flew along until she ran into some titans. They didn't attack her at first.

"Hi there," she called out.

It howled at her and she smiled, "Do you guys know what day it is today?"

They didn't respond until one of them let out a weird sound and she took that as a yes, "You're right! It is my birthday! You guys wanna be my friends?"

They reached out for her and picked her up, "YAY! LET'S GO BAKE A CAKE!"

Then the hand was chopped off and Hange was caught in the big srong man arms of humanity's shortest.

"WHAT THE HELL LEVI! YOU JUST CHOPPED UP STRAWBERRY!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"

"UNLIKE YOU THESE GUYS ARE MY FRIENDS AND EVEN LET ME NAME THEM!"

Levi stopped, landing in one of the highest trees, taking her by the shoulders, "Hange don't be stupid. They were gonna eat you."

"But-"

"And the reason we all ignored you today was because we had a surprise party planned."

"Oh Levi-"

"Shut up, we're going home."

"Can I take Strawberry and Peel with me?"

"No you can't Hange."

"But they're my friends?"

He was suddenly hugging her, "Hange, I'm your friend. And if you ever speak a word of this to anyone I'll break you and your shitty glasses."

"Are you just being nice to me because you're finally taller than someone?"

He took her by the shirt collar and held her over the open mouths of the titans, "She's all yours."

"WAH!? LEVI BRING ME BACK IN! BRING ME BACK! AHHHH!"

He grinned pulling her back and readying his gear, "Happy Birthday Hange."

"Happy Birthday Levi."

And they were off, flying safely back to within the walls. And Hange found that Levi was lying about the party and that everyone really did forget. He snickered at her, "Stupid Brat."

Just when she was about to cry though, in her lab there was a party!? And Hange was so confused at this point like we all probably are. And that's the story of the one time Hange turned into a kid, she never tried it again.


	7. Bonus: Babies Mine

**I actually have no real record of who wants what per chapter other than Reviews soooo yeah here's one? IDK TheQueenOfTitans asked for it… I'm sorry if I promised someone else the next slot I've actually been busy trying to finish up my other fics. Sooo here!**

"Today," said Hange with an evil grin and a little drool, "Sounds like a good day for an experiment."

And so Erwin was turned into a very girly looking four year old. Levi was turned back into an ugly four year old. And Mike, poor stupid Mike, was turned into a very serious four year old with a favoritism complex. Hange took them into town that day to see how they interacted with other kids. It seemed like a good idea? But.. Levi ended up being a bully, Mike was bullied, and Erwin recruited the other toddlers to his army.

Baby Erwin flipped his princely blond hair and put his fist over his heart, "We will fight the adults and eat cookies whenever we want!"

The children stood below him and chanted, "sweets, sweets, sweets, sweets!"

"And we will clean our rooms," said Levi with a powerful glare.

"No kid wants to clean their room, idiot," groaned Mike.

Levi turned away from Mike, "Sorry, I can't hear you second."

"Second?"

He smirked, "Yeah, second. Humanity's second strongest! Hahahaha!"

"What? I can't hear you over your smell! When was the last time you took a bath?"

"YOU CALLING ME UNCLEAN!?"

Hange walked over, "Hey guys… maybe we should… you know... calm down?"

Suddenly she was on all fours as Erwin sat on her back, "WHO WILL RIDE WITH ME AND BE MY BROTHER IN ARMS AGAINST THE ADULTS!"

And so after a strange and confusing lack of plot line Erwin rode into town on Hange's back and the others followed. Levi on Mike's back while the other children followed as a horde. Hange had to figure out how to stop these children. But how!? She studied titans!? Today was just supposed to be a day of fluff!? How did it come to this!?

And then Hange entered the dream scape. A place deep inside the mind of children. Yes. Here among the wishing stars and ponies Hange will find the answer! And then it happened. Hange got the answer. And so she left the dream scape and reentered the real world of abuse and kill or be killed.

A cloud rolled overhead and Hange called out, "NAP TIME!"

The children all stopped, cringing. She was right. The demon of sleep will come to take them soon. Mike threw Levi off of him.

"RUN! TAKE THE MEN TO SAFETY! I'LL STAY HERE AND FIGHT SLEEPY TIME!"

Levi held onto Mike's hand, "DON'T! IF THIS IS ABOUT ME CALLING YOU SECOND BEST ALL THE TIME I TAKE IT BACK! HUMANITY CAN'T LOSE ANOTHER GOOD MAN! NOT AGAIN!"

Mike smiled, looking very cool and adult, "Children are the future, and I will protect them."

And Mike ran off into the fires of the town. He would fight Sleepy Time and probably lose but at least he would give the others a chance to escape. Levi wiped his tears, "You were my future…"

Erwin came back on Hange's back and pulled Levi up with him, "No regrets Levi. He knew the risk. Now all we can do is honor his memory. Come, we must escape."

Levi put his fist over his pounding heart and screamed, "MIKE! I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU! WE WILL WIN! WE WILL ALL WIN AND SURVIVE FOR YOU!"

But then they heard a sniffling and saw baby Mike running back and crying, "WAIT FOR ME!"

Levi screamed, "DAMN IT MIKE! WHAT ABOUT THAT MOMENT WE JUST HAD!"

"I'M SCARED! SLEEPY TIME SMELLS WEIRD!"

Erwin held his hand out, "Come on Mike, live to fight another day!"

They rode off on Hange's back and the children set fire to the town. And that is the true story behind how Wall Maria fell. Hange closed the book and looked at the three babies sleeping in her bed. She smiled, how cute. Especially Levi. Little Titan Face. She left the room and they opened their eyes.

"She's gone," grinned Erwin, "Let us begin world domination."

Levi smirked and Mike was sniffing Hange's sheets. Yes. Today would be a day long remembered. But first…

"Hange's sweets stash, I can smell it," said Mike pointing to her desk.

**Yay! I have no idea what I just wrote but I hope it more or less met your standards. I'll totally update again. Uhhh peace out!**


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